|—||Haruki Murakami (via misswallflower)|
Why is this so funny??!
wat do u mean i cant use my fishing rod in the lava?
(from On Site: A Choose Your Own Adventure Resource for Young Workers by the State of Queensland, 2013)
"A fucking tiger? What the fuck is wrong with you, Angel? I love animals. Why would you do that."
"You mastered your fear."
"I don’t fear animals. I fear the beast of humanity and what it does to children in an education system that teaches them neither empathy nor modern mathematics or relevant cultural histories. I fear an empty bank account. Perhaps zombies. I fear clogged drains and toilets. But animals? Never!"
Angel just stared at them.
"You’re lucky I didn’t sent those animal rights freaks back to this gym! You’re lucky i like killing people and petting big fuzzy kitties more than ratting out my homies."
"You’re ready to -."
"NOT COOL MAN! NOT. COOL!"
"Tickets to Murder Brawl."
"You’re the man, consider us even. I’m keeping the tiger, naming it Petunia. You’re the greatest. Bye."
And on that day, Angel de la Muerte learned how to successfully deal with his new Boss.